News Flash - Ugandan Men Are Falling For REAL Booby Traps...

Just saw this posted on YahooNews...

Ugandan Men Warned of "Booby Trap".
Friday, November 28 07:04 pm

Uganda's police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious.

"They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state," Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga told AFP.

"You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him," he said. "And the victim doesn't remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing."

Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter.

"She is a very dangerous lady," the official said.

While early investigations suggest that the gang may consist of dozens of members, the source of the sedatives remains unknown.

"We don't know exactly how they get these materials," Enanga added. "That is something that our investigations must crack."

He called on men, particularly travelling businessmen who tend to carry a lot of cash, to take caution.

"It's a serious situation and people have to be aware."

Okay, first of all, the pun that I highlighted doesn't make any fucking sense. Look, I get it. You're a bored AP writer, this story of "Drugged Cleavage" comes along and your first instinct is to make a juvenile joke. That was my first instinct too. But "making a clean breast of the matter" just doesn't make any fucking sense. It's such an awkward, hammy thrusting of "breast" into a phrase that it screams "SOMEBODY'S MAKING A FUCKING PUN HERE, YAL!" which defeats the joke entirely. Just terrible. Really. Boo.

That said, "HOLY CHRIST! WOMEN ARE PUTTING CHLOROFORM IN THEIR CLEAVAGE TO ROB TRAVELERS!" Congrats to some clever Ugandan Lady-Thieves for ripping off Poison Ivey's M.O. from an old Batman comic.

Initially, my first thought is, "wouldn't the guys smell the chloroform?" I think I would. As I understand it, Chloroform smells chemically. Like cleaning fluid. You'd notice it. Even when you're nose deep in some strange Ugandan women's cleavage.

Or at the very least, when you start to pass out, you'd go "Fuck! Maybe it's this chemical smell coming from between these two big, black Ugandan boobs!" and then pull your face out and get away scott-free!

The nearest I can figure is that liberal amounts of booze were consumed (been there) and that the ladies applied a GENEROUS amount of chloroform (but not too much to knock themselves out) and when the traveler went in for the kill, these ladies must've HELD THEM THERE, by clamping onto their heads and held them in place until the dudes passed the fuck out. (I can see that happening. I can see that happening to me.) Which begs the question, why didn't these Ugandan lady-thieves just whack these dudes with a blackjack, knock their asses out, tie them up and rob them then? Why go to such huge, grand-gestaltian, super-villainess routes?

I just feel like the world has somehow been lessened when the men of the world can't trust the cleavage right in front of our eyes. When a lady says, "Put your face here", we now have to be thinking, "Is she going to drug me with her chloroform boobs and rob me, leaving me naked and stranded somewhere? And not in the good way?" I feel like something has been lost. The innocence of the cleavage perhaps.

Keep your noses clean (and well ventilated) gentlemen.

Cheers,
Mr.B